To Tell the Tooth

 George is seven.

He's due for some gaps in that smile soon, but don't let his gorgeous grin fool you, he is not happy about it. He is the first child I have met who would rather keep his mouth as it is, thank you very much.

This is something I plan to help him get through. I'm sharing it here because it's an anxiety that is real, and some kids feel it; yet, there is very little in Internetland on the subject that doesn't devolve into the use of fairy tales.* So, I'm putting our experience on record, in hopes that it will help someone little out there who doesn't exactly relish the notion of beloved body bits becoming all wobbly and dropping off. Here we go, armed with facts, feelings, and freedom. Growing up and keeping it real.

 

*Nothing against you, tooth fairy, but we call that sort of thing "pretending" around here. It's done with great glee, but it's still called "pretending."

I'll tell you what I did first. I  reassured George. Why? Because that is what adults do for each other when facing something frightening. "Reassure child that losing teeth is normal," was tip number one on all sites yielded by the Google search, "child nervous about losing first tooth." Reassure child that losing teeth is normal.

Yeah, I did that. He starts to freak out a little and say, "No!" He did not plan for this to happen and it is happening anyway. So actually, reassuring him sounds, to him, like I don't hear him.

"It's okay! It's normal!" I chirp, reassuringly. To him, that sounds like, "I totally don't care how forked up it sounds to have your very own teeth fall out of your face! Your fear is your problem!" So I think, instead of reassurance, he needs the freedom to be frank, without cheerleading. He doesn't have to be okay with this. He can say so. And he did. Here are some of his thoughts on the subject:

Number one: Teeth fall out.
Number two:  They grow another tooth.
Number three:  I do not want my teeth to fall out.
Number four: They grow more teeth.
Number five:  I am nervous and excited.
Number six: I think it's going to be growing.
Number seven:  I have a loose tooth.
Number eight:  There will be a little bit of blood.
Number nine: Oooh, it'll hurt.
Number ten: After it comes out, I will play with the tooth.

Thank you for sharing, George. And thanks for giving me an idea. Right after he and I wrote his ten point break-down on losing teeth, I realized I had something in a little box on a little shelf that might help make this transition smoother for him. Teeth! Thanks to my sentimental hoarding, there were five little incisors for George to handle and inspect. Physical evidence that Henry and Thomas went through it too. He was delighted by them, clacking them together and shaking them around in the cupped palm of his hand. Sometimes knowing your big brothers did something, and survived, can embolden a fellow.

That's where you all come in. Not only do I plan to unearth pictures of Henry and Thomas at this stage of life, I am on the look-out for any and all photos of jack-o-lantern smiles: pictures of kids, showing off their spaces and/or newly emerging teeth. If you feel like taking part, send a picture of your favorite gappy grin.  It needs to be a photo of you or a child whose photo you have the right to publicize. You can send them via private message on Facebook, or post a link to them in the comments below this post. Using photos of his brothers, and any other contributions, I plan to show George, with real faces, that he will survive this change, and that he might even still be smiling afterward.

Thanks for Nothing

Here comes Thanksgiving in America, 2012. I bought a new spiral notebook and a whole bag of pens in preparation. It's going to be kind of a big deal this year so I don't want to forget anything.

During these long dull days after the debauchery of Halloween, and before the sparkling of Christmas*, it is popular to concentrate on the good things. And why not? Is gratitude and humility in the face of a livable life ever out of season? Those things for which we are all thankful are subjective: relative to what we have, and what we feel entitled to have. My mind wanders from all of the things I appreciate in my life, outward, to a larger thing that I believe enables it all to be as it is. And so, I find myself most thankful for nothing.

*or whatever you call that time of the year right before January, when you have to spend time with your grandma, overeat,  and pretend not to be disappointed by gift-wrapped pajamas.

Oh, gentle reader, do you know how many times I nearly bored you to death with descriptions of How We Homeschool? Or How I See Things? I am ashamed of how many files I have where I start to describe My Take on Educating My Little Ones; in which I come to hate the sight of my own blah blah blah, kids need this, kids need that, I see things this way and that way. Wake up! Come back!

But you wouldn't have been right to come back. That blather is boring and irrelevant to your life. So, this thing, this nothing of which I am about to speak, isn't really nothing at all, but a very useful something, which anyone can appreciate.

Wake up! Come back!

Now, I'm no math instructor, but I have been married to one for a while, so I'm pretty sure I'm a math expert by now. I hope, at least, I can explain zero.

We, as humans, haven't always understood such a thing as nothing. Let that sink in for a second. Once, there was no nothing. When you're talking about anything in life, you're talking about something. But what if you need to hit the old space bar? Take a "rest," musically speaking? How would you convey nothingness without it being filled by something else? You make a beautiful little bubble around it. A little dot of nothing. Protected, defined, definitely there, and definitely something, but very decidedly not.

That is my way. No way. The Tao of Homeschooling? Yick, but maybe. Make no mistake, it doesn't involve a lot of feeling like not doing anything, so video games. There is a BU Motto, a modus operandi, if you will, a mission statement, of sorts:

Discover your passion(s) and get really good at something.

I heard a lady on TV, a few years ago, say, "The secret to happiness is to find out what you love most and become an expert at it." When I heard that, it quickly moved into my top favorite quotes and a core value in my life -just as we made the move to homeschool all of the kids, all of the time.  As we have loped along, in pursuit of that ideal, the value of Nothing In Particular has made itself clear. That's where I come in. I stand guard at the perimeter and make the spaces happen, in our time, and in our home. I do little to orchestrate activities, rather feeling my role is to try to make sure nobody is too lazy, gets hurt, is overbooked, or burns down the house. Sometimes I clean up afterward, but making them do it for themselves is all part of the magical learning environment we call L-I-F-E, so I'm worming my way out that one too.

It wasn't as easy as it sounds, all of that lackadaisical letting go. When you are raising young children, there is a strong urge to involve them, and yourself, in things; to get out of the house, or bring other people in, to check out museums, parks, playgroups, besides school and sports. I enjoyed the years we spent that way, when our oldest two were young, and have had passing shadows of guilt that, while we still love our friends, family, and outings, we haven't made that sort of activity much of a priority as homeschoolers.

For me, this has been a particularly difficult instinct to trust at this time, because finding opportunities for socialization is usually at the top of the to-do list for parents who decide not to send their kids to school. Still, I can't help but suspect I am right in shrugging off that pressure for now. My self-appointed position is Serenity Enforcer. The phone is off, and a respectable portion of our time has a nice thick line drawn around it. Maybe this is what I think is best for my kids right now, and maybe it's just what I think is my best.

Here's what has happened in that doggedly defended space over the last couple of years: poetry written in the condensation collecting on the laundry room windows, math made into ocarina music, impromptu circus tricks on the front lawn, and doll fights whose resolutions can only be called "Shakespearean." What has bubbled up in our big empty cauldron has been a meld of art, academia, emotion, science, intellect, engineering, and athleticism, all roiling at the rate of natural human development. It feels like the whole world is here in this void we have carved out for ourselves.

I know I'm just speaking as me here. And you are not me, nor should you be. I am Xtreme. Our whole life is one big zero most days, and it wasn't always like this, nor should it have been, nor will it be forever. But understanding that, in any life, a peaceful little pocket of absolutely nothing isn't going to happen on its own, is the first step. When you know that you can finally take the lead and find places to draw a zero, crawl inside it, maybe with a kid or four, and see what happens next.

Watch It: Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein

Well, folks, this is it. We finish up our Queue de Grâce odyssey with a light-hearted, but spooky, comedy,  Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948), directed by Charles Barton. The movie follows the adventures of two delivery men, Chick and Wilbur, who are charged with delivering Count Dracula and Frankenstein's monster to a House of Horrors. While trying to do their job, they encounter one fright after another, get tangled up with a well-meaning werewolf, and wander further into danger.

For my kids, this was an introduction to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, a comedy duo big in the days of vaudeville, who carried their success into the world of television and films.

Today, we were all able to enjoy this one. It's a stormy Sunday, so we didn't need much convincing to pop a dozen cubic yards of popcorn and pile on the couch with an old quilt and a slightly less old chihuahua*, to see what Cole has in store for us today.

 * He's going to miss movie week most of all. The couch has never been so warm.

Today on this movie, we can watch ghosts. The monster is a toy. The monster toy  is getting these guys. The guys got scary, and the guys giving a barrel. Because the guy putting the barrel on the water. The monster toy is putting the cape on the water. I like that movie, it was scary. It was getting these guy. It was feel scary and now I'm being a monster. Look at me. *ROAR!*

 

This was the first work by Abbott and Costello that I've seen, but it is pretty much what I expected. To me, the funniest parts are when Costello is shocked to the point where he can't speak and he just has to pantomime everything. You recognize every event because of how well he plays it out. It's a little like a silent movie, for this reason. 

Another thing I found hilarious was that. for some strange reason, a very beautiful woman is very much in love with Wilbur and everyone is shocked by this. But, of course it turns out that the woman is just using it as a strategy to trick him into something that she wants from him. This is all compounded when another woman employs the exact same strategy. Once again, this other woman needs him for something , so she pretends to be in love with him. With  two women both pretending this same thing he starts thinking he's really hot stuff.


  I like this movie. There was a monster, and there was Chick and there was Wilbur, and there was Abbott and there was Costello. There was a wolfman and he turned into a wolf. There was the ocean and a paddle boat. They paddled.



The directors had a pretty good idea when they did this. The animation was really good. I liked how Wilbur was always trying to tell his friend, Chick, how he sees all of these monsters and stuff, and he's the only one who sees it. It's so silly how they conveniently come out of his sight when he want to find Chick and show him. I'd say, this movie scores ten sub sandwiches out of five.

 I loved Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, it was so funny. Even though it is a live action movie, it still has this very cartoony feel to it. Usually, around this point, I'll say what I liked about the film, but what I like best about this movie was the movie! 

The Wolfman was trying to stop Chick and Wilber's delivery from going through because he knows that Count Dracula was trying to bring Frankenstein's monster back, because he was trying to.. uh, you know, that confuses me. Why did Dracula want to bring the monster back?


Don't overthink it.







 
 Don't overthink it? Okay. Oh, ha! You should put that in the blog, you telling me not to overthink it.




 
 I will.







 You should also put in me telling you to put it in.





Okay.






 
So he gets entangled with Chick and Wilbur, trying to get them to help him stop Dracula from using Frankenstein's monster. Let's just assume he wants to use the monster to terrorize people, just because that's what Dracula's biggest goal is in life.

Favorite line: I saw what I saw when I saw it.
Exactly, Wilbur. Some of us only see what we want to see. But, Wilbur has an open (some might say empty) mind and can only notice whatever is around him, because he just can't help noticing it. The others were so close to seeing the same thing, like Chick, and were denying it. They basically didn't want to see it because they didn't want to believe that such things existed to begin with. It could be right in front of them and they wouldn't notice it.

 What is not to love about Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein?  The "Big Three" Universal films horror monsters, all running around a drafty mansion, something like four(?) consecutive full moons, and Abbott and Costello, who always entertain me with their contrasting personalities. Abbot plays the serious straight man, eternally tasked with trying to tamp down the quivering, whistling, buzzing ball of chins that is Costello. I like how they're constantly wearing similar or identical clothes, like a grown-up pair of brothers. Whether they're in uniform, lounge wear, or snazzed up for a night on the town, the laugh factor of whatever they're doing is heightened by their matching outfits. 

So there we have it! We took the Queue de Grâce challenge by the horns, and wrestled it to the ground. We have changed its clothes, fed it snacks, and snuggled it like crazy. This is a week I'll always feel grateful for, not just for the leisure and entertainment, but the discipline and ordered interaction between us as a family. We weren't just putting some movie on, we took this business seriously. Afterward, there were conversations, orations, costumes, props, team work, sabotage, mutiny, apologies, and more team work. Watching and discussing the films chosen for us was a unique family experience. We so appreciate the interaction with all of you, fair readers. And to you, Cole, we extend a heartfelt, if not sticky, Family Hug. Thank you.

Watch It: Raising Arizona

The end of our Queue de Grâce saga is in sight! We spent most of our week abroad, so it felt like coming home today to watch Raising Arizona (1982), starring Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter and directed by the brilliant Coen brothers. This loud explosive comedy is an ode to family. Meet the McDunnoughs and their baby, Junior. Don't they look normal?

Well, they are, in that each of these spouses, while devoted to family, is dealing with his and her own restless instincts. Herbert, also known as "Hi",  struggles with life as a stable head of the household after leaving behind the reliable chaotic rhythm of life as an outlaw. Edwina, also known as "Ed", has always been a model citizen, an officer of the law in fact, but is betrayed by her own body in realizing her dream to become a mother. And Junior? Well, he'd probably like to be home, but unfortunately for Ed, his home is not with her.

Today's Laszlo Line-up was the two oldest boys, who are too big to cuddle, and my little lap monster, Mae who cuddles like it's a competitive sport.

Perfect storyline. I liked it. It's about a guy, he keeps going back to jail because he keeps robbing convenience stores. It's so funny because when he's getting his mugshot taken, he falls in love with the cop who tells him to turn. She is not capable of bearing babies, so they steal one from a rich guy. And all this crazy stuff happens, like people keep trying to steal it and get the bounty. And in the end: happy fuzzy dreams. Watching it makes me feel like talking in a Texas accent.

 
 Because the baby fall down and the guy is taking the baby.

Joel and Ethan Coen have created a canon of films, all of which touched a spot in my head that I didn't even know was there. Raising Arizona was my first look at a Coen brothers film, way back when it first came out. I was thirteen and had never watched anything so weird, and wonderful. The dense poetic dialogue is at once eloquent and colloquial. Every word is lovingly chosen. This is the kind of movie you quote with your favorite friends and family members.

 This movie is called Raisin in the Soda. The ghost was running to the neck.


 

The Raising Soda is going to sleep on the bed. The baby is lie down to the bed. The baby holding the phone shaker. I like the movie.

So far, in this Queue de Grâce, I have loved all of the movies that Cole has chosen, and this one was no exception. Some of the jokes, I didn't get. I guess I would have had to grow up in my mom's generation to understand some of those things. Nevertheless, there were some jokes that made sense to me and were funny.


 

I saw it as a funny adult comedy movie about this reformed criminal (slightly reformed, I mean, he does go breaking into convenience stores again) and his wife who is a resigned cop.What I liked about this movie is that it's funny, but there are other genres that come through, towards the end. For example, I especially liked how he sees the tattoo on the bounty hunter,, and that's never explained. Also, Hi's dream at the end was sad and sentimental. 


 Quirky, it is, indeed; but these themes are universal. Domesticity is an odd prison, because it is one of our own making. A guy can think he's an outlaw all he wants. When he's in love and there's a baby to think of, things get real and, for some, it can feel like the wrong place to be. Even for those of us who cherish the sacrifices of settling down, there are still moments. This is the ultimate family movie for that reason. Here we all are! Now what?*

*Start a blog, that's what.
  
I'm giving you all the old head's up again on mature content. Guns are ablazing and fists are flying. Mae watched this with us, and we discussed how that was unacceptable behavior for her at this stage in her life. If she wants to go all Leonard Smalls on us as a grown-up someday, I suppose it might be my fault.
 

Watch It: A Shot in the Dark

Today's Queue de Grâce installment, A Shot in the Dark (1964), returns us to Paris, France, this time to solve a murder.*  Again, Geza was working, but the kids and I settled down for a rainy afternoon with Inspector Clouseau, as played by the mad genius chameleon actor: Peter Sellers.

 

*I swear, none of my kids did it. They all have rock solid alibis.

Blake Edwards directed this second film in the Pink Panther series, which will not disappoint fans of Inspector Clouseau and his commisioner-enraging ways. The story begins with a murder in a mansion, and the intrepid Inspector must find the murderer, even if the culprit might be the pretty parlor maid he likes. In execution of his job, Clouseau seemingly does nothing right, bumbling cartoonishly into one awkward situation after another. 

This movie cracked the little kids up with all of the splashy crashy falling, but there are pretty constant adult themes throughout. Cole dished it up for us because he knows we're "European."  It's still quite tame compared with many things kids watch these days, but if you're avoiding all of that as well, consider yourselves warned.

 This movie was extraordinary. It was a funny, grown-up movie. I'm not going to say a lot about it, but if you're trying to keep your children weak, than I think you should watch this by yourself.  This movie is grownup in a French way. 

A bully with a hat shot the sky. And sky was dead. Everybody was naked. They were playing music.




My favorite scenes of a Shot in the Dark are when Kato (played by Burt Kuok) attacked Inspector Clouseau; popping out when the Inspector would least expect it, to help keep his instincts sharp. I loved seeing these two actors together in these moments, imagining the outtakes.

 Something I noticed about this movie: There were a lot of parts that seemed oddly quiet to me and now I know why, it didn't have as much background music as movies nowadays. In current films, the actors have to say their lines with some kind of jauntiness, but back then, the conversation seemed very natural. No so "produced." Also, they end naturally instead of ending with some big flairy catch-phrase. It's kind of like watching a play on TV, only with bigger more realistic-looking sets.

 Good eye, Henry! How astute of you to notice that its style seemed born of the theater. The original screenplay was, in fact, based on an adaptation of a French play, "L'Idiote," by Marcel Archard.



Confession time: Mae didn't really say any of that. I've just been dying to make a joke like that all week. She sort of lost interest in A Shot in the Dark. once the opening credits cartoon ended. I can't blame her, I used to feel the same way about the Pink Panther movies when I was a kid.

Watch It: Go West

Four days into our fantastic Queue de Grâce voyage, and we're tagging along with Buster Keaton and Brown Eyes, in the grand frontier adventure, Go West.

This silent film, directed by and starring Buster Keaton in 1925, tells the tale of a young man named Friendless, who is practically penniless and must go out into the world to seek his fortune. While working on a ranch, he finds a friend in a dried-up, yet plucky, milk cow. I'm going to gush about Mr. Keaton in a few inches, but holy cow, this bovine is a scene-stealer! Her acting talent greatly surpasses that of Gwyneth Paltrow, an Academy Award Winning Actress.

Unfortunately, Geza's work schedule prevented him from being able to enjoy this one with us. He has seen many other Buster Keaton films and is a long-standing fan. So, he's cool, but he's not going to be able to offer anything here today.

Let's give the kids a turn:

This movie! Man, it's amazing how much Buster Keaton puts in just for a perfect shot. And it's wild to think that this is what he did for a living! Buster Keaton is extremely awesome. I love all of his movies. He risked his life to put a smile on your face.

They were falling on the train. They were barrels. A guy fell down on the train.

There was a grown-up, named Buster Keaton. On the train, the barrels fell out. There were potatoes in them. One barrel had Buster Keaton, it fell. It rolled out of the train and it broke. There were a million bulls. They chased him. He rode on the cow.

The film was very funny. I loved it a lot. To think that back then, when making the stampede scene, they didn't have computers to generate bull images. Nowadays, they'd just cut and paste over and over and over to make animated bulls. I'm thinking of how hard it must have been to make these movies, with such limited effects; it's impressive. 

The cows is running inside. These cows are running to the neck.






It is rare that I will get all up in a reader's face and say, "Look, this thing, you need it in your life." But, this is one of those special moments. Buster Keaton, anything with Buster Keaton: watch it.

The Great Stone Face is unlike any performer from his era. The effervescence of his clever gags and plot twists is complemented perfectly by his serious demeanor and dry delivery. If you watch any Buster Keaton film and aren't completely in love with the guy by the end of it, I will eat Thomas' least favorite fedora.